so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We got so high we made milksteak
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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