At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
