so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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