Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
