I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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