All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize