Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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