I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
