i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?