i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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