Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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