How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
