so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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