i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
