I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
