At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
