Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
