You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize