You made me cry and you don't even care
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
