Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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