Say something about gay babies.
Just cropdusted the office
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
