i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dude. I can hear the air.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
