About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
