Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
sarcasm needs its own font
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext