Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
