I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
