woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
