I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
