apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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