Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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