What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
