4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
420 ftw
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
