you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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