i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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