you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
