There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
