If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
