I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
