I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How does it feel to date your dad?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
