New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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