I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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