I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
