i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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