all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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