Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
