I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Couch. On fire.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
