Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
