I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
