I like my sex mixed with concussions.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize