I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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