Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
