I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
