you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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