If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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