I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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