Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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