he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
