when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
