you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
