I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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