well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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