Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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