new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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