i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
