Me too!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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