i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
