i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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