Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
